Fostering Healthy Communication
Open and direct communication are key ingredients in any union, especially if you and your partner have different ways of communicating. Premarital counseling will be advantageous in helping you discover your styles and how they could affect your marriage. If your partner is comfortable with healthy and appropriately expressed anger but anger is a four-letter word for you, then communication will likely become an issue.
DEFAULTS: SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS(HAVING TO BE RIGHT, HAVING TO HAVE THE LAST WORD, REFUSING TO LET IT GO UNTIL YOUR OPINION IS PROVED CONCLUSIVELY, VALUING ONE'S PERSONAL RIGHTNESS OVER YOUR PARTNER)
ADDICTION(PROTECTING ONESELF BASED ON HURT FEELINGS INSTEAD OF FACTS, REJECTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE'S ACTIONS, MANAGING ONE'S PAIN INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH THE PROBLEM, ACCUSING ONE'S PARTNER OF BEHAVIORS YOU EXHIBIT)
CARE ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON WITH YOUR VERBAL COMMUNICATION
To have great communication skills, you have to start with caring for the other person. For communication’s sake, caring means that you are focused on leaning in the direction of the other person, so they can successfully understand what you’re saying. Not only are they an emotional being, they’re also a child of the Most High God, which means He cares about how you treat them!
This happens by understanding how they receive information, being calm and polite, focused and interested, and matching the mood or emotion of the situation.
You first have to understand the person you’re talking to. How do they receive information? Do they prefer it in sound bites? Do they need a scroll that is 10-feet long? Do they need energy and excitement with it?
We are usually so focused on our own feelings that we don’t think about how difficult we make it for others when we communicate.
What Do You Appreciate Most About Your Partner and Your Relationship?
These are the things that will get you through the hard parts of life. They will ground your relationship when all else feels chaotic. Think about each other's interests and aspirations, or activities you love to do together. Consider issues such as trust and communication. It's important to reflect on what you love most about your partner while considering the ways your partner likes to be appreciated as well.
BE AWARE OF YOUR NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
Your body language is constantly speaking. Do you cross your legs towards somebody, or away from somebody? Do you put yourself in a position of power when you’re talking?
It’s important to monitor your own non-verbal communication because of what it may communicate to the other person.
Other non-verbal communication to be aware of are facial expressions, eye contact or lack thereof, posture, and gestures with your arms.
FOCUS ON ACTIVE LISTENING
Great communicators are incredible listeners, not good listeners; they’re incredible listeners.
Bad communicators cannot wait for the other person to take a breath, so they can speak. I’m sure you know these people. It may even be YOU!
If all you do is communicate what you think someone needs to hear without listening to them, how will you ever know if you’re communicating successfully?
BE PATIENT
This means that you need to be patient with the other person, and if they don’t understand something or they have questions, know that you may not be doing a great job communicating.
Also, understand you may not be doing a great job leaning in their direction and communicating how THEIR personality style needs to hear information.
ASK QUESTIONS TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE
Questioning is all about gaining perspective to better understand. Asking questions also shows people that you’re interested in them and you’re listening, which builds a lot of trust. Practice asking questions. The more you do it…the better you’ll get.
PROBLEM SOLVE
To have high levels of quality communication, you have to be able to identify exactly what the problem is.
You do that by gaining information, not just talking or making statements about it, but gaining great perspective, listening, and being patient.
CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
Self-management is all about controlling your emotions, and responding appropriately.
This goes back to caring about the other person, and not just responding however you want to.
In moments of frustration with your partner, ask yourself, “Is this my fault? Am I not doing a good job communicating? Am I the one to blame here?”
TAKE DISC ASSESSMENT AND OTHERS
https://youtu.be/MlXcLU8xEJQ
REFERENCES: Chris Locurto, Brides-Jillian Kramer, Marianne McGoldrick,Lea Rose Emery,Holy Spirit-Kimberly Cyphers