Your Marriage Expectations and Role Beliefs-You may have one idea of what marriage looks like and what it means to be a partner yet be blissfully unaware that your soon-to-be spouse feels very differently. Talk about what each person expects the other to do and be as well as how each of you sees the structure of the marriage.
What Does Marriage Mean to You?
Marriage doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. Some people think it’s an almost all-consuming partnership, some people think it’s a legal agreement. Talking about your expectations can help make sure that neither of you has needs or expectations that aren’t being met—you can feel like you’re approaching this next chapter together.
There’s no guaranteed way to divorce-proof your marriage, but you can give it the best chance at surviving and thriving. Having conversations before you get married on these big issues and making sure that your needs, wants, and expectations all line up can ensure you’re going into married life on the strongest possible foot. When in doubt, communicate—ask questions, listen, and discuss. It’s the shortest path through any obstacle.
What Are Your Fantasies Surrounding Marriage?
Do you have any fantasies about what you’re looking for in a marriage and in your partnership? Your partner might envision having nightly home-cooked meals, weekly date nights, regular travels, or acting as a unit in social situations, but that might not be what you want. Be aware of each other's marital fantasies to avoid surprises and disappointment after the wedding.
What Does Spirituality Mean to You?
This conversation is one of many that can promote curiosity and further understanding into your partner. For many of us, our spirituality is a guiding force in our lives. Dive in on how you feel about spirituality and what's important for you to pass on to your children as well.
You may have different beliefs when it comes to spirituality, but discussing those upfront and understanding where your partner is coming from will go a long way.
How Will You Handle Your Relationships With Your Families?
Couples may feel protective of their experiences growing up, with strong attachments to where they came from. It's important to hear each other in this situation and to reflect on your own individual relationship with your family, as well as the new relationships forming. There may be some work to be done to find compromise if part of your family is a bit more involved than others.
Couples need to learn that they are forming a new family entity, and the relationship with their extended families transitions with this. Conversations regarding boundaries and roles of each of their families are important."
What Are Your Deal-Breakers?
Everyone has deal-breakers. They may be about traditional issues—whether you want children, what religion you want them to be raised, what you need from a partner, but they can also look totally different. Your deal-breakers could be about where you need to live, passion projects you want to pursue, or career goals you need support to meet. Knowing these nonnegotiables will give you a good sense of the landscape of your future and whether it works for both of you. If your deal-breakers fit together, your marriage has a much stronger chance of survival.
REFERENCES: Chris Locurto, Brides-Jillian Kramer, Marianne McGoldrick,Lea Rose Emery,Holy Spirit-Kimberly Cyphers